[17:05:05] <chameleon> because I guarantee that lennart has not read his SICP today
[17:07:24] <chameleon> I suddenly felt the air shake. The knife began to fall upon me... At this moment, the ceiling gave out a loud cracking noise, followed by debris falling down. A loud booming hiss which seemed to sound like "Have you read your SICP today?" filled the air. I lifted my head and discovered... Standing in front, catching the blade with his crotch-snake, was the robed figure of The Sussman.
[17:07:24] <chameleon> "You and your forced indentation." The Sussman said in his usual expressionless tone, "You think you can defy my power?" 
[17:09:29] <brushdemon> omg
[17:09:31] <brushdemon> please more
[17:09:33] <brushdemon> PLEASE
[17:12:15] <chameleon> Back at MIT, the Sussman was eating a tuna fish sandwich, something reserved for the aristocracy. The catchphrase on the can read, “You cannot tune a filesystem, but you can eat a tunafish sandwich!” It wasn’t very well-received, of course, but it was well-enough known at this point to remain.
[17:12:15] <chameleon> The Sussman munched on the delicious, moist tuna thoughtfully when all of a sudden he sensed behind hi a list comprehension. THE ABELSON! The Sussman leaped out of his seat, his wizard hat almost flying off his head (it was kept on by a quick (def (f x y) (f y x))).
[17:12:15] <chameleon> And just in time - the Abelson’s blow, intended to truncate the Sussman’s tuna-filled spleen his the wooden wizard chair, which shattered into a thousand pieces.
[17:12:15] <chameleon> “Well, well Sussman, I see you’ve maintained some of your skills from 6.001. You may have dodged that expression, but how long do you think you can hold out against my Python3000?” 
[17:13:36] <brushdemon> please include pootering into the story somehow
[17:14:01] <brushdemon> I love that rossum in there already
[17:14:08] <chameleon> These are kopipe'd sadly
[17:14:24] <brushdemon> I'm sure you can write a poettering version
[17:14:31] <chameleon> I'll totally write the Sussman meeting pootering lol
[17:15:11] <brushdemon> "as the sussman tried to debug his webserver, he noticed something very ominous about it. It was running in PID1, everything was running in PID1!":
[17:16:15] <chameleon> He picked up his trusty parenthesis, and stood ready, legs a shoulder width apart. Something dastardly was afoot; something... enterprisey.
[17:17:36] <brushdemon> "This smells of the kike." he muttered to himself in his monotone voice.
[17:18:21] <brushdemon> On the other side of the planet, Lennart Poettering was writing another CVE for his disasterous piece of software, riddled with bugs and security flaws.
[17:18:45] <brushdemon> "Danm, they are beginning to notice that I don't actually know C," lennart thought aloud.
[17:19:35] <chameleon> Walking slowly forward, car and cdr at the ready, the Sussman felt an uneasy twinge in the air. This was the work of someone as incompetent as he was competent; a villain so stupid he became a mastermind.
[17:20:02] <chameleon> "Is this a hack?" the Sussman intoned.
[17:29:24] <brushdemon> For no apparent reason, all of the binary log files corrupted
[17:30:09] <brushdemon> "I have had enough!" the Sussman finally exlaimed in extreme frustration.
[17:30:31] <brushdemon> chameleon: I don't actually know the sussman character well enough to write more ;~;
[17:43:11] <tyil> its was good so far tbh
[17:45:18] <chameleon> hahaha
[17:45:26] <chameleon> just imagine /prog/: the person
[17:45:33] <tyil> isn't that you?
[17:45:48] <chameleon> nah, I'm not good enough at scheme
[17:46:04] <chameleon> also I'm female
[17:46:33] <tyil> are you trying to be a bigot and saying females cant be persons?
[17:46:49] <brushdemon> Whipping out a quick (def (f x y) (f y x))), the sussman teleported and soon found himself standing in the middle of a forgeign land. Everybody here spoke in harsh tones; he was in Berlin.
[17:47:14] <brushdemon> "I can smell the rat," he muttered as he began quickly walking foreward.
[17:48:16] <chameleon> Lennart leaped up from his segfault and whirled towards the door. "Shit, someone's coming. If that's Linus with yet another rant about breaking userspace I'm going to fucking strangle him," he yelled.
[17:48:35] <brushdemon> Making a left here, a right there, a quick (+ 3 (* 4 5)) there, the sussman came to a giant wooden door.
[17:48:51] <tyil> am I autistic for laughing at this?
[17:49:04] <brushdemon> "Finally, I will teach this imbecile the meaning of correct UNIX™ programming!"
[17:49:55] <brushdemon> Lennart heard the first few knocks and a baratone voice mention something from the other side.
[17:50:19] <chameleon> Lennart malloc'd all the memory to the door. "Fool! No man may break through my bloat! Soon systemd-world will be implemented and I'll rule it as BDFL!"
[17:51:06] <chameleon> The door in question was implementing sshd, cron, and acpid all in pid1!
[17:51:28] <tyil> guys pls
[17:51:31] <tyil> Im in a silent area
[17:51:36] <tyil> I'm not allowed to laugh here
[17:51:55] <brushdemon> Punching through all of the print outs of bug reports which were classified as "features", lennart grabbed his systemd-swordd and braced himself for impact.
[17:52:19] <brushdemon> "He's going to crash gdm! All of PID1 is going to come down!"
[17:52:50] <chameleon> The Sussman took a deep breath. He slipped a copy of SICP out of the cavernous left sleeve of his robe, and opened it at page 1.
[17:53:13] <chameleon> "Fuhrer Poeterring! Have you read your SCIP today?!"
[17:53:25] <chameleon> s/SCIP/SICP
[17:53:25] <SubBot> <chameleon> "Fuhrer Poeterring! Have you read your SICP today?!"
[17:54:36] <brushdemon> Sweating in nevousness, poettering knew he was outed for the hack that he was.
[17:54:42] <brushdemon> "W-what is SICP?"
[17:54:44] <brushdemon> "
[17:55:43] <brushdemon> He knew who was at the door. He could see it from the security cameras monitor. The audio however wasn't working as intended since that was a feature of pulseaudio™.
[17:55:58] <chameleon> shit I kek'd
[17:56:42] <brushdemon> The door gave in and finally crashed. The barrier between poettering and the sussman was now a mere few centimeters.
[17:56:56] <chameleon> "IS THIS A HACK!?" The Sussman roared. The floor beneath Lennart split in half. A huge black snake with boggly eyes emerged from the hole. He grinend a toothless smile at Lennart.
[17:56:56] <Haruhai> ** "IS THIS A HACK!?" The Sussman roared. The floor beneath Lennart split in half. A huge 03african-american snake with boggly eyes emerged from the hole. He grinend a toothless smile at Lennart.
[17:56:56] <tachikoma> ** "IS THIS A HACK!?" The Sussman roared. The floor beneath Lennart split in half. A huge 03nigger snake with boggly eyes emerged from the hole. He grinend a toothless smile at Lennart.
[17:57:30] <brushdemon> Lennart lost control of his bowels. He has just Pooetering'd his pants.
[17:58:10] <brushdemon> The day of judgement was upon him, the day which the gnome foundation had been dreading for years.
[17:58:25] <chameleon> The Sussman mounted his steed, parenthesis held aloft. The great snake reared up to his full height. Lennart squaked something about entering that way breaking logind before dashing off in the opposite direction
[17:59:09] <brushdemon> Somewhere in the commotion, poettering had dropped systemd-swordd.
[17:59:43] <brushdemon> Amongst all the bloat, the sussman managed to find a tool which barely worked but it would have to do
[17:59:53] <brushdemon> The sussman picked up systemd-banhammerd
[18:00:27] <brushdemon> The hammered hummed the tune of the sjw
[18:00:43] <chameleon> "Check your privelige~ Cis white male scum~"
[18:01:15] <brushdemon> sussman tossed it aside and spat, "This is nothing but inefficient garbage! You are truley a hack"
[18:01:41] <chameleon> Lennart screeched. "THAT'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO USE TO GET RID OF THE PLETHORA OF WESTERN WHITE MALES IN THEIR 30s AND 40s!"
[18:02:04] <brushdemon> Opening his trusty SICP, he flicked to page 23 and began reciting the familiar litany of pristine programming.
[18:02:10] <brushdemon> Lennart began screaming
[18:02:15] <brushdemon> "I don't understand what you are saying"
[18:02:30] <brushdemon> Lennart grabbed his now bleeding ears and fell to the floor
[18:02:46] <chameleon> "Gentoo folks! Sysvinit! REEEEEEEE!"
[18:02:47] <tyil> where are you guys gonna publish this
[18:03:15] <chameleon> files.seekrit.club for definite
[18:03:24] <brushdemon> the sussman raised his voice, speaking in fluent C
[18:03:26] <chameleon> I'll scrape it from my znc logs and clean it up
[18:03:31] <tyil> hot
[18:04:58] <brushdemon> "char lennartsDeath = (*SICP);"
[18:05:09] <brushdemon> at that moment, lennart gasped his final words
[18:05:16] <brushdemon> "You can never defe-"
[18:05:20] <chameleon> In a flash of incompetence and EWONTFIX, he was gone.
[18:05:22] <brushdemon> and pulseaudio crashed
[18:06:11] <brushdemon> as the dust settled, the sussman could hear the unfamiliar sounds of the birds chirrping and the sound of sound programming ensuing in the distance
[18:06:30] <brushdemon> the end
[18:07:04] * chameleon claps
[18:07:09] <chameleon> good shit :D
[18:07:20] <chameleon> I love brushe's sussman
[18:07:22] <brushdemon> I was kinda laughing a little too hard at that
[18:07:27] <chameleon> same haha
[18:07:35] <brushdemon> sussman can speak in fluent C
[18:08:33] <brushdemon> I remember at the linux.conf.au, there was this old guy who was giving a presentation 
[18:08:40] <brushdemon> he literally started reading out C code
[18:09:05] <brushdemon> everybody in the auditorium heard me saying, "He's so skilled he even speaks in fluent C"
[18:09:09] <brushdemon> and the kekking intensified
[18:10:18] <chameleon> hehehe
[18:11:43] <tyil> updatan bitlbee jail
[18:11:57] <brushdemon> noice
[18:12:01] * brushdemon pokes tyil
[18:12:12] <tyil> I must say I think portage is an imporvement over ports
[18:12:37] <chameleon> it is
[18:13:16] <tyil> all we need on funtoo is `jail` to make it perfect
[18:13:31] <tyil> or we could just use `docker` instead
[18:13:45] <brushdemon> docker is trash atm
[18:13:48] <brushdemon> it works but it's slow
[18:13:49] <tyil> 03>atm
[18:13:54] <tyil> also
[18:13:58] <tyil> slow is an understatement
[18:14:06] <brushdemon> true
[18:14:08] <tyil> it takes me about 15 min to push out a new release
[18:14:10] <chameleon> is it ruby on rails speed
[18:14:16] <tyil> in Ye Olde Days I'd git push
[18:14:20] <tyil> and it'd be live in seconds
[18:14:20] <brushdemon> slower chameleon 
[18:14:26] <tyil> chameleon: much slower