ERASMUS AT SEA

I like discovering things in my cabin: my apple, my chest, my two
rutters. I wouldn't mind a very easy puzzle here like using a key to
open the chest or my desk to get the apple.

;;I've put a key in your desk that you have to search for.  I could
;;make it even easier by just having it in the desk.

I don't like the closed doors: the passageway door, the pilot's cabin
door, the captain's door, the mates' door, the crew's door, etc. It
prevents free movement, but it isn't fun or tricky to open the doors.

;;I'm reluctant to just make doors open automatically when you try
;;to go through them.  It's so traditional in I.F. that you have to
;;open them yourself.

I don't like all those names thrown at me when I enter a room:  Van
Nekk, Roper, Piterzoon, Croocq, Ginsel, etc., especially since they
serve no purpose other than color. (I don't have to know them or talk to
them.) I'd prefer treating them not as individuals but as a group:
"Seamen are lying about, longing for death less miserable than this."

;;This is changed.  You now just get the names if you say L AT CREWMEN
;;or WHO ARE CREWMEN.

On the other hand, I like Captain Spillbergen as an individual. I wish
there were more I could do with him or in front of him. (Is there a way
to quench his thirst? If so, I can't figure it out.)

;;In Spillbergen's desk is a flagon of water that you can find and
;;give him.  I'm surprised you haven't found it yet!

As you know, I like the text: eating the apple, writing in the rutter,
the rat that scurries past, etc.

I can't figure out why, sometimes, "the storm shifts slightly, and the
waves and wind drive you onto the rocks of a reef" and you die.
(Sometimes this happens when I'm below deck and Specz is asleep at the
wheel; sometimes it happens when I first WAKE SPECZ; sometimes it
happens when I just TAKE WHEEL, letting Specz sleep.) I think I'd rather
not die from the reefs until I'm given a chance via the bow lookout's
call "Rotz vooruit!" 

;;I've changed this some, mostly by advancing the storm one move, so
;;that the first message about it comes immediately.  See what you
;;think.

I like the scene as written once the reefs are spotted: steering the
ship, raising the foresails, getting Vinck's help, more steering, and
the text descriptions. And I like the way the scene ends (suddenly).

Since I don't have to do anything with the anchor (in this scene), its
presence seems strange.

;;It's tester insurance.  Both Liz and Amy tried to find it and drop it,
;;possibly after noticing there was one in the Galley in a later scene.

AWAKENING IN ANJIRO

I like the puzzle about eating food twice (the woman seems pretty smart
-- any obscure reference to the tray and she figures out what to do). I
like the door breaking when you open it. I like the text decsription of
the garden.

I neither like nor dislike the clothes and boots. LOOK AT CLOTHES got a
nice blurb, but I've entered the house wearing the boots and it doesn't
upset the woman.  I don't remember whether I can walk down to the
waterfront naked. If not, or if I need the boots (because the pebble
path hurts my feet), then it's a mini-puzzle, and I'd like it better if
I had to work a teensy bit harder to find my clothes and boots (just by
exploring another room or location).

;;I've added Onna not letting you back in the house if you are wearing
;;your boots.

I like the confrontation with the priest at the waterfront, and I like
Omi's bit (the interview and the beheading). In many ways Omi is the
first interesting character we meet (other than ourself), and it might
be nice to learn more about him after the beheading. I can think of one
other scene (at least) with Omi:  the Pit. But I think I eventually want
to read more about certain characters, like Omi: "You later learned much
about Omi, that he was shrewd and intelligent. He appeared to serve his
masters well, while he was serving himself even better. Like most of the
Japanese, he never showed warmth outwardly; yet he was not as cold and
ruthless as some others.  Omi, in fact, would come to respect you, and
you him. But now you only hated him and swore revenge." I don't where
this would work best -- here, or at the Pit scene -- but I think it's
worth consideration.

I don't like the return to the Erasmus -- it's such a no-win situation.
Rowing out there to be prevented from doing anything, and rowing back --
it's such a letdown, which is all the more noticeable after the
beautifiul beginning. I like the closing text -- "you can still feel the
sweat trickling down your spine" -- bliss! But that's about the ONLY
thing I like about the return to the Erasmus. Maybe the delicacy and
beauty we find in the house and garden can be continued, with new
discoveries and explorations.  I'm not sure what the goal would be, but
I'd like it to be achieveable. (I haven't spent much time thinking about
a goal here.)

;;This section exists entirely to get you to that closing text, which
;;I like, too.  I'd like to add more stuff in the village, but what?

INTERVIEW WITH YABU

I like this scene as-is, pretty much. I wasn't bothered by a second
interview (I recall Amy or Liz thinking it repetitious, but I don't find
it so.) 

I don't like the roll call of names: "You see Father Sebastio, Mura,
Baccus van Nekk, Maetsukker, Ginsel, Croocq, and Vinck here."  Again,
I'd rather they be treated not as individuals, since they're not
interesting as indiviuals. (Exceptions being Yabu, Sebastio, and maybe
Spillbergen.) 

;;Changed as described above for the "roll-call" on the Erasmus.

A clue is probably needed for Shogun novices about breaking the cross.
But that's a fine-tuning.

And perhaps more can be said about Yabu, as I suggested about Omi
previously. 

THE PIT

Oddly, the roll call of names doesn't bother me here. Maybe because such
a list seems appropriate in a confined space where there's nothing else
to look at.

I like everything about this scene except it reminds me of Frank Capra's
movie Meet John Doe, where Capra makes a great situation and you wonder
how he's going to resolve it -- and Capra couldn't figure out how to
resolve it, so it has the usual Capra saccharine ending. (You don't have
a saccharine ending, but the ending still isn't satisfying.) 

There's NOTHING to do in the first part of the scene -- you don't even
get to choose a straw. It's only 4 or 5 turns now, but it could be even
fewer. 

I can't remember Amy's suggestion, but I remember liking it when I
remembered it.

;;I've changed it so that you can get picked as the victim.  Omi no
;;longer says not to pick you.  If you resist, or if you prevent Vinck
;;from being taken (if he's the loser), Pieterzoon is still taken.
;;The scene also goes to the logical end, now.

Maybe the scuffle with the samurai could go on a little longer. Then
again, maybe all-text combat isn't very interesting, but it was
certainly the most interactive part of this scene.

I recall from the book that some unlucky samurai gets stuck in the Pit.
Maybe it's up to the player to prevent his being killed by the others?

;;He's there if you fight hard enough. He even drops a knife that you
;;can get for a few turns.

VOYAGE TO OSAKA

I like the analogy of the galley riding like "a fat-bellied pig."

Rodrigues orders the player to steer south. The player who does this
loses, but I don't think it's at all obvious that the player should do
otherwise.

;;I've changed the text to make it more obvious that Rodrigues is
;;chickening out, and that you (as the brave guy you are) shouldn't
;;go along.

The player goes foreward (on Rodrigues' order) to tell the men to ship
oars. But this doesn't work and the player has to go back to the helm.
How about if the command DOES work (when you say MEN, SHIP OARS), at
least temporarily; then, as you return to the helm, a wave or gust of
wind nearly tips the boat and THEN the player is nearly washed
overboard. Instead of a nameless hand pulling you from the sea, it can
be Rodrigues (giving the player more incentive to rescue him later -- to
return the favor).  The wave or gust that nearly washes you overboard
can screw up the oarsmen again, explaining Rodrigues' leaving the helm.

I like going ashore looking for Rodrigues -- it suddenly makes the scene
seem so much larger (not surprising, I guess, since you go from 2 rooms
to a lot).  And though I haven't figured out how to save Yabu, I like
the puzzle. (I have the rope and I've thrown things at Yabu, including
rocks, without success.) I like the time element here -- I seem to have
plenty of moves to try things, but I don't have forever, since the tide
comes in.

I guess the search for Rodrigues is realistic, and I can't think of a
better way to do it; but having to search each location twice is kind of
repetitious. (Though you've managed to keep it from being dull by
putting in good text: "sea-bloated ... half-eaten ... crab-mutilated
corpses.")

As you get out of the skiff, the text says "You disembark quickly,
intending to lead the search party, but Yabu usurps that position and
sets a strong pace, which you are hard put to keep up with." But I don't
believe you can FOLLOW YABU; he's "here."

Overall, I guess this is one of my favorite scenes: it's got puzzles and
color and exploration.

ESCAPE FROM OSAKA

I successfully finished this scene once upon a time; I failed to finish
it most recently, so these notes are incomplete.

The exchanges between Buntaro, Ishido, and Hiro-matsu are very nice. But
the player lacks for a goal or something to do besides wait.  Similarly,
the player lacks any incentive to LOOK AT KIRITSUBO when Sazuko screams
and falls. I think this scene suffers from its faithfulness to the book.

I can only suggest a pretty major change for the first part, which keeps
the things I like but differs greatly from the book; namely:  

The scene begins (non-interactively) with Blackthorne overhearing a
conversation between Toranaga & Kiritsubo (or Toranaga & Hiro-matsu),
tipping the player off about the switcheroo. The interactive portion
then begins much as it does now, except the player must get Hiro-matsu
somehow into the Courtyard or Forecourt to prevent Ishido and Buntaro
from battling. (Since Hiro-matsu doesn't understand English, perhaps the
player has to steal something of Hiro-matsu's and be chased to the
Courtyard.)  Then, when the switcheroo comes, Toranaga or Kiri
accidentally drops something, or gets a veil caught on something or
another, and Blackthorne must save the situation.  Then the scene
continues pretty much as written.  This gives, at least, a goal for the
player early on, plus an incentive to LOOK AT KIRITSUBO at the right
moment. 

I don't understand why, but I enjoy the maze taking me through the
streets of Osaka. (I didn't get that far in my most recent play.) I
don't remember if the "map" takes over the entire screen. If not, you
could have some road-rally-type clues to help you get through the maze
"in time." (Currently there seems to be no time limit; but if the
cortege were being chased, it would be necessary to LOOK AT SIGN, see
the fish, and know to turn north.)